Just aren't worth it
by makebelievegirl
Summary: Cause in the end Sasuke. You just aren't worth it. ?shot. NaruSasu. SasuNaru BOYXBOY. Mature. Chapter Five. Updated.
1. Over you

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or Masashi Kishimoto other characters in the series.

**Warning: **Hints of Yaoi and shounen-ai.(boyXboy relationships) If you don't like, turn back now. Thank you. Don't steal this.

A/N: Late at night. Wanted some angst. Made a oneshot between our two favorite gents.

* * *

**Title: Just aren't worth it.**

**Chapter 1: Over you.**

You always said that we would be together. I believed you when you said that. I believed you when you told me that I was only one and how our love was meant to be. Why did you lie? Why in the end you were wrong and I was stupid for actually believing you.

I could hear you when I walked in. You did nothing to hide the sounds. Did you want me to hear? Was that your way of hurting me? A imaginary knife that cuts deeper than a real one. A wound that cannot be healed with a bandage or wrapped up. A wound that cannot fade away.

"Ahhh! Harder, Sasuke! Harder!"

I wonder who the voice was. I recognized it but I couldn't place my finger on it. I can clearly hear your grunts and moans. I can even hear the bedsprings squeak as you two continue with your 'fun'. I climb up the stairs and get closer to your, I mean, our door and wait. My hands are on the knob, but I can't open it. I need to hear it. I need to hear your voice. Without that final touch, I cannot bring my self to confront you.

_'I can't face you like this. I need some motivation.'_

Your voice finally comes to my ears. I wait to hear those words that I've been standing here for, listening like a man who had his first drink of water.

"Damn. That was great."

Your pants decrease as you get control of your breathing. I wait to hear voice of your new lover. Many thoughts run through my mind. Was I not good enough for you? Was the passion gone from our love? Did the sex not interest you anymore? The voice finally came and it made the imaginary knife cut another slash along my skin and heart.

_'Shikamaru.'_

I thought he was my friend. How long has this been going on between you? Did you truly not love me anymore, Sasuke. Did you truly hate me that much that you went to my best friend. My confident, the man I considered a brother besides Kiba and Chouji. I took a deep breath before I entered. I wanted to see the look on your face. I needed it, like an addict that realizes which drug is his weakness. But I didn't move because you and him said three words that I said to you every night since the first time we made love or had sex. I can't say love because you never loved me, did you? I never had your love, in the first place. Did I? It wasn't like I didn't deserve it. No. You wasn't worthy of my love and couldn't face the fact that a prick like you would eventually die alone with nothing and nobody.

"I love you."

This is when I came in. You said the words that you effortlessly said to me, yesterday.

"I just hope that Na..."

"You hope what Shikamaru? That I don't find out."

I can see you're frozen. Shock has taken your movement and destroyed them, leaving you with a deer in headlight look. Shika doesn't say anything, even as he disentangles himself from your body. I scrunch up my face.

"Stinks in here. Smells like sweat and sex. Open up a window for me, will ya Sasuke."

I don't ask you to do it. I tell you because the smell makes me sick. I push the bile back down my throat and look at you two. Shika with the blankets wrapped around his frame far away from you. You with the other blanket, still on the bed. You cover your privates but not your chest. An unwanted memory shows up and I remembered that I used to love touching that chest. I considered it mine. Guess I was wrong this time. Again.

"Naruto."

I can already hear the begging. I want you to beg. It gives me extreme pleasure and takes the pain away for a short time.

"Did you have fun, Shika? Did he do that little trick, he does with his tongue?"

Shika turns away from me. Wait til the guys hear about our little, no, he's not mine anymore. **Their** little lazy cloud watcher got enough energy to fuck my boyfriend. Damn, this is a record. The longest I've ever seen Shika up. He must've took a long nap beforehand.

"I'm sorry, Naruto."

Sasuke. Why are you saying sorry? You're not sorry. You haven't been sorry a day in your god forsaken life.

"So...how long?"

Do I sound happy? I know I do. The pain is so horrible and crushing that I must adopt a cheerful tone to keep myself from breaking.

"Naruto?"

Oh, is the little lazy asshole asking me a question. Well, I don't want to answer any questions. I want my question answered.

"How long?"

You take a breath before responding.

"Six months."

Six months ago, we had our third anniversity.

"What day?"

"Naruto."

"What day?"

Nara responds. I can't call him Shika anymore or even Shikamaru. Just Nara. Fucking Nara. He says the date. My heart stops for a moment.

"On our anniversary, Sasuke. On our fucking anniversary!"

"It just happened."

I believe that. After all I always believed what Sasuke said.

"Just like shit, huh?"

He doesn't speak and I am grateful for that. Nara stands there, still wrapped up. He is unable to move. I don't want him to move. I want him to watch me as I destroy Sasuke.

"Naruto. I love you. You know that, I just couldn't help myself."

I smile at him. He gets a real smile.

"I love you too, Sasuke."

I can see his eyes lights up and I can see Nara's look of disbelief. Sasuke gets up, still covered. He grabs his boxers which were on the floor and puts them on. I watch him as he walks over to me. He's not smiling but I can see the glee on his face.

"But I won't forgive you."

He stops.

"And I'll learn how to make this sadistic love disappear."

He reaches out, his right hand towards me.

"I'll get over you. It isn't that hard. First I'll find someone and just have nothing but sex with them. If they are the lasting type of fucks, then I might stay with them and that'll become a relationship. If I don't then I'll find someone better than you after the fuck buddy. I can get over you, Uchiha. You may be special to others, but you're nothing much to me right now."

Did I drag a knife over your skin? Does it hurt? To know that I might not care. I hope it does. Oh, look me. Now I sound like a venegeful girlfriend. I turned to naked cloud boy.

"Nara. Everybody's gonna know about this. I won't hide the truth because I have nothing to be ashamed about."

Nara pales. He can't have people knowing about this. Nobody will have faith in him anymore. Huh, and here I thought he hated Sasuke. Guess I was wrong about this too.

"Sasuke."

His eyes moved from the floor. Those empty eyes. Bottomless pits. Why didn't I notice them before?

"I want you out. What? Did you actually think that I would leave? Sorry hun, but I didn't love you that much to give up such an awesome place like this."

You are hurt. And I know you are asking yourself the same question that I asked myself about you.

_'Did you ever love me?'_

You grab your clothes and go into the bathroom. My arm stings as you past me, but I don't flinch. I leave the room to allow Nara to get dress. I sit at the table downstairs in the kitchen. Cloud watcher comes downstairs and looks at me. I see the remorse but just don't give a damn to acknowledge it. He leaves with the words stuck in his mouth. You come downstairs. A black duffle bag slung over your shoulder. Looking sexy, as usual. The fact that I'm still attracted to you. Shows me that I may be sick and that I need to get out of the destructive relationship with you. But what hurt me the most is that I didn't even see the bomb that was attached to us. I look at you, my eyes show nothing. Are you happy now? I am just like you. My eyes are nothing but empty, bottomless pits now. Thanks, for sucking the life out of me.

"Naruto."

You take a deep breath and continue.

"I love you."

I hold my laughter back.

"I going to stay with Neji, awhile. I hope we can talk later, after you calmed down."

You walk over to me and place kiss on my lips. The same lips that kissed Nara and possibly others. You leave and a tear slides down my face. Iruka told me to stay away from you. He told me that in the end, you wouldn't be good for me. But I didn't listen. Why? Because I believed you when you told me you loved me.

Goodbye Sasuke.

I don't love you anymore.

And I never will.

So don't expect me to cry a river over you or kill myself, cause in the end.

You just aren't worth it.

TBC...

* * *

MBG: God. This was full of angst and drama. Just a one shot. Might make it into a two shot if people like a lot and request for it. Review.

P.S. I left the completed on so you guys won't get antsy with expectation of another chapter.


	2. Moving on

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or Masashi Kishimoto other characters in the series. I do not own Paramore's "This is what you get."

**Warning: **Hints of Yaoi and shounen-ai.(boyXboy relationships) If you don't like, turn back now. Thank you. Don't steal this.

A/N: Late at night. Wanted some angst. Made a oneshot between our two favorite gents.

A/N: I am so glad that you all liked it. I meant it to be a oneshot but due to inspiring reviews I made it into a twoshot at least.

* * *

Andzminx, I am glad you like and just between us, I never meant for Shika and Sasuke to get together. I just wanted to stay away from the cliche of neji, gaara, sakura, sai, or maybe hinata so I chose an unlikely character and that's Shika. I love Shika too so maybe that's why I chose him.

Fungeki, I'm sorry I made you mad but I really meant for this to be a oneshot, it was the reviews that made me continue and I'm sorry for the wait between school and other unnecessary drama I was unable to write also I was in a sort of melancholy mood when I wrote this. I didn't want to change the tone and the mood of the story by being happy when the character is not. So I had to wait a bit before I could write. Please forgive me.

Lizz, thank you for reading, I really appreciate your review.

Kisayue, thank you for reading. I will continue and write another chapter but don't get too into the story. Remember it was only suppose to be a oneshot. Anyway, Neji is not a lover, just a friend. You will see the reactions of the other characters. And no, Sasuke doesn't have sex with everybody. I can't make him into that much of a whore. His reasons for sleeping with Shikamaru will be revealed in this chapter also the reason why he tells Shika and Naruto "I love you."

Leighbriel-Misokita, you're one of the reasons why I made into a two shot. I have no idea what going to happen in this chapter. I'm just going to let my fingers flow.

Animeangel999, glad to know I have your support.

Kendonall, after reading your review I knew I had to update but I been having a bit of a dry spell maybe because of school. I don't know but I am sorry for taking so long. I'm happy that you loved it. For some reason I had strong emotions running through me when I wrote it.

Sweetsong, we say things and mean another. Why can't Naruto actually be human this time and let his emotions go. I don't think that anyone in this situation would have reacted differently or the same. We all have our own reactions and that what I chose for Naruto cause if that happened to me, it would've been mighty different. Did you not feel his emotions or maybe you weren't in the same mood as the story. That's why I wrote the "venegeful girlfriend" remark into the story so it could show that he isn't in charge of his reactions and emotions right now.

Nemu Ame, yeah two shot are lovely. Also, Sasuke had to kiss him. It showed him that there were feeling still between them even though Naruto probably didn't appreciate it. I think during the time of the kiss Naruto-kun was so trapped in his thoughts that he didn't even realized it happened.

Rakuen Tachibana, I am glad this story helped you because that is what I truly wanted. Thank you so much for reading.

Shadowphoenix143, I'm happy that you think my writing style is "excellent" cause I think its sucks. Anyway, you right about the whole being strong thing. I didn't want Naruto to be weak, I read too many of those. I wanted him to feel but not be weak and wimpy. Yeah, the story is sad, I don't know why but it is. So, I guess I have to deal with it.

Yhaio, I felt the same way but I didn't want Naruto to be seen a some girl. He's a man, all man. And I will, sorry I took so long but school has been really tiring.

Looking-to-the-sky, You have so much questions, and I wanted to give you your happy ending but it wouldn't fit for them. You inadvertly made this fic even long since I started thinking about Sasuke and the other characters involved. So I blame you but reviewer and fans should thank you.

I was listening to Paramore's song "That's what you get", so I credit the mood and feeling of the story to them. Doesn't mean the story will be happy or something cause I have a twisted mind. Thank you to all who read, I am deeply sorry that I took so long to update. Please forgive me. Now on with the story.

* * *

**Title: Just aren't worth it.**

**Chapter 2: Moving on.**

_No sir, well I don't want to be the blame  
Not anymore  
It's your turn to take a seat  
We're settling the final score  
And why do we like to hurt so much?_

It was weird. The months seemed to fly by so fast, I almost forgot about what happened. The key word being **'almost'**. You know, I could never forget about something like this. But you know what's odd? I'm not sad. I mean, a couple months ago I hated your very existance. But for some reason, I just couldn't hate you anymore. Of course, I won't forgive you. At least not now. I don't know what happened to us, Sasuke. It seems like yesterday we were laughing and enjoying the day together. Do you miss me? Neji told how much you've miss me but I want to hear it from your mouth. I want to know that I have that effect on you. Guess, I'm still not over you if I'm obsessing over your welfare.

You know, it really sucked when everyone found out. And no, I didn't tell. I wanted to forget about this but my neighbor heard what had happened. The nosy old woman told everyone what happened to "poor little Naruto". I didn't want pity especially from my friends. Their looks made every wound re-open. The soft, sympathic words and the guilt filled gaze. Why do they look so guilty? It wasn't their fault. This happened between the three of us and it should've stayed between the three of us. Unfortunately, the gods were not smiling on us or maybe you when this crap went down. I just wanted to forget and put this behind me. I didn't want any attention, or comfort. I wanted to be alone, so I could put myself back together. If I couldn't pull myself out of my own hole then I was no better than you.

It was odd to see you after all these months. I mean, who would ever thought that we would actually meet up in the grocery store. I thought that we would meet at friend's party, we would see each other and there would be tension throughout the rest of the night. But you know how things don't usually go the way I planned. I mean, you was one of them. I was in the cereal aisle picking up some oatmeal. I was a little bit sick that week and thought oatmeal would help. I was looking for the best one when I heard your voice.

"Naruto?"

Hearing your voice made my heart jump and my body freeze.

"Sasuke?"

_I can't decide, you have made it harder just to go on  
Why all the possibilities where I was wrong_

I turned around to face you. God, you look like shit. I couldn't surpress the happy feeling that ran through my head. I, me, Uzumaki Naruto, has broken through the patent Uchiha stone/iron wall and affected the supposedly non existing heart. A minute later shame ran through me. I shouldn't be happy. That would be petty and I'm not a petty person.

"How are you doing, Naruto?"

Your words wake me up and break me from my thoughts.

"I'm fine, Sasuke. I'm fine."

We make small talk. About the weather, friends, hell even the crack on the tiled floor. We are just avoiding the unspoken subject that hangs around our head like a weight. Finally, we get to the point.

"Naruto."

"Yes?"

"I miss you. I want us to get back together."

"Sasuke, I can't..."

"Naruto, I love you."

"You said that to Shika."

"I never meant it every time I was with him, I kept thinking of you."

"But you still slept with Shika."

"I know."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I don't know."

"You do know, Sasuke."

"No, I don't!"

I could see the anger in your eyes. But I didn't care. The wounds in my heart didn't fade away. It was still there and stung when I saw you. I knew I should've listen to Iruka, when he told me that you looked like a selfish bastard. but no I had to listen to my heart.

_That's what you get when you let your heart win  
Whoa  
That's what you get when you let your heart win  
Whoa  
I drowned out all my senses with the sound of it's beating  
That's what you get when you let your heart win  
Whoa  
_

I found myself staring into your eyes. I loved those eyes because I always felt like I was falling into them. You meant the world to me and then you destroyed it. You destroyed us. You destroyed me. When I was with you I ignored the so-called "writing on the wall". The distance, the missed dates, and the unanswered phone calls. Just thinking about it made my blood boil, but I couldn't lose control again. I lost control last time and I hated myself for it. You step forward and I stand still.

"Sasuke, don't."

"Please Naruto, can't we just work on it?"

Your pleads hits my heart. I'm a nice person, but I can't allow this to happen. Many people wouldn't forgive me, including myself. I was known for being a somewhat idiot when I was young, but I'll be damned if I'd be called one now. So I'll let go and you'll let me go.

_I wonder how am I supposed to feel when you're not here_

_'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here_

_I still try holding on to silly things_

_I never learned why when all the possibilities I'm sure you heard_

"Naruto, we can work this out. You need me, just as I need you."

You say that I need you, yet I'm not the one whose begging. I shake my head and walk away. I can't seem to answer you now. You're still attached to me. I know the reason you want me back and you know the reason. Without me everybody would see the real you and that can't happen. Uchiha's don't fail and they don't give up. But you won't win this one Sasuke, remember I was your enemy and rival before I became your lover. I've lost to you and you've lost to me. Every time one of lost we would go away and lick our wounds, then come back again. But what happens we both lose. I haven't won, I may look like the victor but in fact I'm the same as you.

_**'Naruto, I'll always love you.'**_

_That's what you get when you let your heart win _

_Whoa_

_That's what you get when you let your heart win _

_Whoa_

_I drowned out all my senses with the sound of it's beating_

_That's what you get when you let your heart win _

_Whoa_

It's been a year since we've broken up now. Life has gone on and I've found someone new. He's so different from you and I find it refreshing. Sai is an odd person but he's my odd person. When I first saw Sai, he reminded me of you. I didn't like him because of it. I didn't need or want a replacement for you. Then I got to know him. He has your features but he's nothing like you. I know I said it before but it was so hard for me to wrap my head around it. Everyone makes fun of me on how I got with the Anti-Sasuke. Also I really hope that you and Sai don't meet in the street or something. I don't want to end up in court testifying about an incident between the two of you. But I can honestly say that I forgive you and it doesn't hurt anymore thinking about you.

_**'I'll always love you too, Sasuke.'**_

_They make you wait to me, to me_

_And I'll always be just so inviting_

_If I ever start to think straight_

_This heart started right in me_

_Let's start, hey_

_Why do we like to hurt so much?_

_Oh why do we like to hurt so much?_

_**'But I won't come back to you.'**_

We see each other at a party. You smile and I wave. And its ok. We're friends now, just like we were before. The smile briefly fades when you see Sai move towards me and wraps his arm around my waist. He holds me close, just as you used to. I can see the memories flicker through your eyes. You blink them away and raise your drink in salute. I smile this time before turning away and allowing Sai to drag me off somewhere. Even now I can still feel your eyes on my back.

_**'So we'll just be friends. Like we used to, right Teme?' **_

_That's what you get when you let your heart win _

_Whoa_

_That's what you get when you let your heart win _

_Whoa_

_That's what you get when you let your heart win_

_I can't trust myself with anything but this_

_And that's what you get when you let your heart win_

_Whoa_

_**'Of course, Dobe.'**_

TBC...

* * *

MBG: This fic is far from over apparently. Though I didn't intend for it to continue this far but I'm not finish. This chapter focused on the eventual ending of Sasuke and Naruto. So, I skipped to the end but we're going to do a reverse and read about Sasuke, Shikamaru, Sai and maybe other characters feelings, also we're going to have stories of rebound hookups and that sex buddy, Naruto was commenting about. So review and get ready for the next chapter of "Just aren't worth it"

P.S. I left the completed on so you guys won't get antsy with expectation of another chapter.


	3. My love for you will never die

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or Masashi Kishimoto other characters in the series.

**Warning: **Hints of Yaoi and shounen-ai.(boyXboy relationships) If you don't like, turn back now. Thank you. Don't steal this.

A/N: Late at night. Wanted some angst. Made a oneshot between our two favorite gents.

A/N: Damn you people, this was only suppose to be a oneshot now its turning into an actual fic.

* * *

Shadowphoenix143, I've read so many fics with Naruto being a broken shell of himself and I am tired of it. Naruto is a strong person if you see the anime and manga, you know that. It's ok to make him weak sometimes but not make him completely useless against someone like Sasuke. That's why in my fic he actually gets over him and moves on.

Dimonica, thanks for putting it on alert. I will try my best to update when I can.

Anime-girl-cutie, I love Sasuke and Naruto together too but I wrote this after reading a fic where Naruto was cheated on and became all sad and suicidal. In my mind he would get over it and become a better person. In my other fics Sasuke and Naruto are together or will get together in this one they'll be apart.

Satoshi33girl, thank you and I will try my best to update soon.

Kendonall, yeah I'm shocked too. I can't believe that I actually decided to turn this into a fic instead of just a two shot. I think this chapter will have us feeling sorry for a certain person. Thanks for reading.

Plushie, thank you and no I couldn't use Hinata. She's practically the only girl I like besides Tsunade, Temari, Shizune, and Ayame and then that's it. It was really hard putting Shika in. I love him but I remembered in the first Sasuke retrieval that Shika said he didn't particularly like him. So I thought I would use it to my advantage and once again I'm surprised that I created a third chapter.

lLotus, when I started this story I didn't have any intentions of creating a second chapter but I did. I want it to end up SasuNaru but I feel like its way to early for Naruto let Sasuke completely back into his life. Also I don't want to be like other fics and let Sasuke get away with this. So for now Sasuke and Naruto are broken up.

Black-Rose23, thank you for reading. I don't know if I want Naruto to get back with Sasuke. So I'm completely undecided on that issue.

BabieLuvly101, don't cry. I don't want my readers to cry. I don't know if I'm ever gonna make you actually happy with this fic since I really didn't intend on it being happy most of the time.

Miyori, I do not know if Sasuke and Naruto will get back together. As I stated before I don't want to push them together because that ruins the fic and makes it a bit cliche' and I want to avoid that. But they are cute together.

Deidaralover99, I'm glad that you're addicted to it but I don't want to have to send you to rehab. No, no, no. Heh, I know that was corny but I couldn't help it. Anyway, I love Naruto and Gaara being together but once again I would fall into the cliche aspect of fanfiction. They're just friends in this one, at least I think they're just friends. I don't know. My muse is playing a poker game with the naruto characters and plot bunnies.

Soraxcloud, thank you for your review. I'm happy that I made it interested for you.

Sa-Chan, you're making me blush. Thank you so much for reading and I hope I can keep it interesting for everyone so they can enjoy it.

Mini Angel, you gotta have angst in your life otherwise things get boring and we don't want that. Thanks for reading.

Nemu Ame, thank you for your review. For some reason, I thought this song was good for chapter two. I'm glad that you understood why Sasuke kissed Naruto and I hope that you enjoy this chapter.

A/N: One last thing. Don't hate Shikamaru, it all my fault but don't hate me either. Especially you Sans-fire, don't hate Shika. Pretty Please, otherwise he won't work for me again free.

* * *

**Title**: **Just aren't worth it.**

**Chapter 3: My love for you will never die.**

_**'I hate him.'**_

I watch him move you around the room. His pale fingers run over your light tan skin as he leads you to another person. Sai. That's the jerkoff's name. I heard it from Neji that you hooked up with some artist. I couldn't stop the pain from sliding into my heart and ripping it apart. After all those years of us being together it was actually over. You smile at him and he brushes your bangs from your face. The grip on my drink tightens. I feel like vomiting at the sight. That bastard is the reason why we aren't together. The reason why you didn't come back. The reason why I felt like slamming my fist in his face and running off with you. Damn it, you were mine!

_**'I hate him so fucking much.'**_

I watch you move against him as his body moves to the beat. Every muscle moves and I find myself remember every time we had sex. "The artist" moves his hands all over as if he creating a barrier to inform others that you are his. He smirks when you suddenly blush but I know that the smirk is not for you but for me. He did all of that to let me know that I will never get you back. That I will never touch nor be with you again. My blood boils. How could you pick him, Naruto. How could you choose to be with him over me. I've heard all the rumors about how he looks like me but isn't me. He is nothing but a replacement. You wanted someone who looked like me but didn't come with issues like I did.

_**'For taking you away.'**_

You go to the bathroom and I follow. I need to speak with you. I need to understand why you were with him. I knock on the door and you open it. You eyes widen but I cannot see the surprised expression on your face. No, all I can see is your impossibly blue eyes that draws me in everytime I look at it. Your mouth opens but I push you inside the bathroom.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Sasuke!"

I can't answer. It's been so long since we've been together. So long since I've actually been alone with you. You move towards the door but I stand in your way.

"Move, Sasuke! Sai's waiting for me."

I become angry at the sound of his name.

"Why are you with him, Naruto?"

You look at me and then shake your head.

"I don't have to explain myself to you, Uchiha."

I flinch, when did you become so cold and when did I become known as "Uchiha" to you?

"Just tell me, Naruto. Tell me why you chose that look a like instead of the real thing?"

You move closer and I wait for your answer. I look at you, seeing everything and not just your eyes anymore. You wore your favorite shirt, the orange button up, the one that I had said I hated but actually liked, and only when it was on you. The jeans that I had helped you pick once when were shopping and the black and orange shoes that I bought you for your birthday after you didn't have enough money to pay for it. I laugh in my head. The only reason you didn't have the money to pay for it was because of a ramen bet made between you and Kiba. Which you lost. I move my eyes back to your face but I can't read it. I couldn't read you. I was always able to read you, but now I can't even tell if you're about to punch me or not.

"I chose him because I love him."

My heart stops.

"He makes me happy. He may look like you, Sasuke, but he's nothing like you."

I want to block out the rest of your words but they stay in my head like an unwanted song.

"But I made you happy, too."

You shake your head again.

"You made Shika happy too."

You bring him up again and I turn my head. I never loved Shika. I had only said that to him so he would stay and continued to be with me. He was the only one out of your friends that didn't like me whatsoever. Everyone loved me but him. In the end, he care for me. But I ended up losing you, the one who really cared. I turn my face back to yours.

"I love you, I need you. I said I love Shika cause I wanted him."

You sigh and I know that I've lost again. You push me out of the way, mumbling something about 'getting back to Sai and not dealing with crazy cheating bastards'.

_**'For causing me to end up alone.'**_

I can't let you go, not without one more touch. One more feeling to make sure that you were once mine. Grabbing your arm, I pull you back to me. I ignore the words coming out of your mouth and kiss you.

_'Warmth.'_

We press against each other, our lips move slowly but presses hard. I push my tongue in, tracing and remembering everything that used to be mine. We stay like that for what feels like minutes. Does that mean that you still have feelings for me? Are we getting back together, Naruto? I pull you closer only to receive a push to my chest. You shove me and look at me angrily. Wiping, your lips you say the words the finally destroy any warmth I had.

"Don't touch me and don't ever come near me again, you bastard."

You leave and I feel numb.

_**'I hate you, Sai.'**_

I walk out and I see you wrapped up in "the artist's" arms. He's whispering something into your ear and you're nodding. Your eyes are shiny, filled with unshed tears. He lowers his head and presses a kiss to your lips. I leave the party. The sight of you kissing him, make me sick. I can't stand it. I see Shikamaru, when I get outside. I ignore him. There's no way I would sleep with him again. I don't want to go home alone but he's no replacement for you, Naruto. I walk to Neji's apartment. Yeah, I'm still staying there. I haven't bought an house yet because I thought we were going to get back together. Guess, I was wrong. It's dark inside, but I don't worry until I heard a chair scrape against the floor.

"Who's there?"

"Just someone who has some advice to share."

I never thought this pervert would actually get off his ass to ever help me and here he was.

"Kakashi."

His face turns into a happy expression.

"At your service, Sasuke-kun."

I realized then that my life has turn into crap. That I lost everything I've needed. But I don't want to give up. I don't want to let you go. I know I have to. Because you moved on and you've forgotten all about me.

"I don't care anymore."

_**'I give up, you win Sai.' **_

"I don't want to try anymore."

_**'Naruto is yours now.'**_

TBC...

* * *

MBG: I don't like this chapter because I'm not good at writing Sasuke's feelings. Frankly, I don't even like him whatsoever. But you know I'm a fan of SasuNaru and NaruSasu. Also, just because Sasuke giving up right now doesn't mean he doesn't love Naruto anymore. Remember, what type of person Sasuke is. Anyway, I can't wait until I'm able to write another character's feeling because writing emo feelings sucks. Thank you and I hope you enjoyed it. Any questions you have will be answered in the next chapter.

P.S. I left the completed on so you guys won't get antsy with expectation of another chapter. It's better that way and I will explain my reasons for doing so in the next chapter.


	4. What I've done

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto or Masashi Kishimoto other characters in the series.

**Warning:** Hints of Yaoi and shounen-ai.(boyXboy relationships) If you don't like, turn back now. Thank you. Don't steal this.

A/N: Late at night. Wanted some angst. Made a oneshot between our two favorite gents.

A/N: Damn you people, this was only suppose to be a oneshot now its turning into an actual fic.

P.S.: Unbeted, which means if you see any mistakes, tell me about it and I will fix it.

* * *

Shadowphoenix143, thanks for reading. You felt sorry for Sasuke. I didn't know I would actually get some sympathy for him. You know, I agree with what you said. He cheated and he can't expect things to go back to the same as it was before. It sounds to me that you've either experience it or seen it happen because your comment was right on the bulls eye. Thanks for reviewing.

Bipolar parrot, I'm happy that you enjoyed Naruto not going back to Sasuke. I enjoyed that too. Like I said before I hated those fics that made Naruto into less of man than he was. I can see that you and me agree on the fact that just because Naruto maybe bottoming doesn't mean he's a wuss. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Worthless-1393, thanks so much for the review. I've never heard anybody ever say "Holy cupcakes!" before. You made me laugh and smile. Thanks for reading.

SasukePWNSNaruto, thanks for saying that this was the best yaoi fic you ever read. I really appreciate it. You also said that Naruto is too strong and let me just give you a sort of heads up, for the next couple of chapters. You'll find out that Naruto isn't as strong as I made him out to be. Also, I never said that Naruto was the uke, in fact I put down NaruSasu which meant Sasuke was the uke but as you noticed I never stated what role they played in the bedroom. Which means it could be either of them despite the fact that Sasuke was the seme in his affair with Shikamaru. I know that some authors do the whole 'Naruto is weaker than Sasuke' thing and since 'Sasuke is a Uchiha he must be the best' but I'm trying to stay away from that whole "Sasuke is better than Naruto and gets what he wants" cliche. I think its refreshing to see Sasuke lose once in a while. I'm glad you enjoyed it and I value your opinion. Please don't think of me as some sort of smart ass. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Black suede, yeah I should but I won't remove the "completed" With school and the fast pace of life, I realized that I don't update as quickly as I should which is why I leave it on "completed" so my readers will not get antsy and expect a chapter right then. I have a tendency to forget things which is why I leave it like that. Now on to me thanking you for reviewing and reading. I really appreciate it. I will try my best to update.

RamenProductions, it is sad. Poor Naru-chan and Sasu-teme and yeah, I think he's a bastard. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Number1sasunarufan, it is hard writing emoish feelings and the reason why I chose Sai will be revealed in later chapters. By then you should understand why Sai was chosen. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Mishiru234, thanks so much for your review. I tried my best. I mean, I really tried my best. That was a tough chapter and I had several ways to start it. I will try my best to update soon.

lLOtus, I love your writing so much and I thank you for reviewing and reading. I agree with you that Sasuke is mainly disliked because of the series and don't worry, there is more to come.

Nekochan124, if I could I would hug you. You hit it right on the nail. I'm making sure I stay away from those cliche's which make Naruto into such a girl. I mean just because he may bottom, doesn't mean he's going to suddenly act like a girl or flaming queen. If I wanted Naruto be a girl then I would have wrote, fem Naru stories but I didn't. So, he going to be a man and act girlish at times, maybe cause I think that all men act like girls at times and all girls act like men at times too.

Kendonall, thank you. You've been with me since the beginning of this story and I thank you so much for reviewing. I am surprised that I did a good job in writing Sasuke's p.o.v. It was very hard because I don't really feel his emotions and I can't understand him or his reasoning despite the fact I wrote it.

DolceAmoroso, thanks for understanding my position on how school interrupts NaruSasu or SasuNaru or practically all Yaoi. I've looked for your stories but I can't find it. Don't worry I will continue to look until I find it, so I can review. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Sa-Chan, I'm glad that I made your day with the update. I want to make everyone happy when reading this. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Satoshi33girl, I really tried to make this longer but then I thought that my own feelings were going to come in and turn it into a girl fic. I don't know, I didn't want "taint" it because its a chapter staring Shikamaru. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Gaara's Lovely Lady, you're right. It is a sad story. Why did I write a sad story. Something must be wrong with me... Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing.

noname00, thank you so much and I understand what you're saying. I like stories that have Naruto moving on when Sasuke does something but I try to avoid stories that what I consider "brutal" where Naruto is just treated like crap from every damn body and that he is so weak he can't protect himself. It sort of makes me sick. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

AsyatheGreat, I place "complete" on because I have a tendacy to forget about my fics when I have school. So, I put it on so readers won't waste their time either searching or waiting for the next chapter. And I corrected my spelling in the last chapter. Tell me if you see any mistakes in this one. Yes, Sasuke is a bastard and Sai is just evil. Naruto is being smart and staying away from Sasuke. Which I think is very good. Thanks for your advice and review.

Moola Deena, I love angst. It just something like teenage drama show. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Deidaralover99, I'm glad you thought the last chapter was good because I still think that the last one and this one is crap. I don't know, I just don't like it. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Nemu Ame, yeah Sasuke feeling sorry for himself was sucky but then he gave up on Naruto. Don't worry, he should be back to his Naruto-is-mine self again and yeah he did deserve it. Umm, I not sure about Sai not being a bastard. So don't get your hopes up. And thanks, I'm good at Naruto's feelings, others I'm not so sure. I usually write for Naruto more than anyone. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

* * *

**Warning:** When reading this you must think of Shikamaru's lazy voice. The story won't be as nice if you don't.

* * *

**Title: Just aren't worth it. **

**Chapter 4: What I've done. **

I see Sasuke and I know he sees me. He doesn't look in my direction. I am ignored. I shrug. So what if he doesn't want to look at me, now that he lost Naruto. I don't care. I watch him walk off somewhere and I feel...hate?...shame? I don't know what I feel but I feel something. The lump in my stomach rises to my throat and I feel like throwing up. Was it seeing Sasuke that did that or was it the guilt I still feel because of Naruto? It's weird how my mood changes, I didn't care that Sasuke ignored me but I wanted him to look at me, to make me believe that I wasn't just a toy for him to play with.

"Are you okay, man?"

Chouji smiles at me but I can see the worry and sadness in his eyes. He's still my best friend and brother. Of course, he wasn't happy when he heard the news but he didn't completely cut me out of his life like the others did. I never knew that they cared about Naruto so much especially by the way they complained about him like he was a rash or something.

"I'm fine."

He leans back against the brick wall of a building. The moon cast its light glow on his features, making him look more older than he really is.

"You better be, Shika."

I smile. I shouldn't smile. Even though it has been a year since it happened, I can still feel the guilt like it was yesterday. I lean against the wall with Chouji, bringing my lit cigarette to my lips. Despite Chouji saying I should stop, I continued. I was going to stop but that thing with Sasuke and Naruto brought me right back to the habit. I inhale, bring the smoke into my mouth and lungs. It burns but feels good. I can almost feel the smoke numbing everything in my body.

"First Sasuke now him."

Chouji's voice makes my eyes turn to what he was looking and talking about. Naruto comes out with Sai. They're wrapped around each other, much closer than Sasuke and him had ever been. Naruto smiles at Sai and then turns his head towards where Chouji and I are standing. I can't help the unidentifiable pain that hits me when his face drops...when the smile that had briefly been on his face dies and a blank look replaces it. I have never seen him look at me or any one else like this. It hurts. It hurts and the guilt I've been trying to ignore comes back like an itch. I remember when I had first met Naruto in middle school.

_'I'm Uzumaki Naruto! Nice to meet you!' _

He was so annoying, so loud but then that's what made me become his friend.

_'Che, troublesome...' _

We've been friends ever since then.

_'Hey! What's that suppose to mean!' _

Now, we're...enemies? I don't know what we are. I know he hates me but does that make me his enemy now? Sai follows Naruto's gaze to me, his grip becomes tighter on Naruto's shoulder. His face is indescribable but I can tell that he doesn't want me there or anywhere in Naruto's vision. I swallow, trying to push the bile back down my throat. Sai whispers into Naruto's ear and his face changes. The blank look disappears and I can see a grateful smile replacing the other one. He nods to Sai and allows himself to be pulled off and down the street. Chouji lets out a rush of air from his mouth.

"Damn, I thought something was going to happen."

I shake my head, taking another puff of my almost gone cigarette.

"Naruto, doesn't want to know me. So why would he talk to me."

Chouji looks at me but he doesn't say anything. I've shocked him. Poor Chouji, doesn't deserve to be dragged into my dumb drama. I drop my still lit cigarette on the ground and walk off. I can feel his eyes on me but I don't say goodbye, I just continue to walk. Away from him, away from this mess, and away from my guilt. I can't stop the thoughts that run through my head. Why did I choose, Sasuke? Why did I sleep with him when I knew Naruto loved him? How could I have done that to a good friend? I rub my forehead and close my eyes. The many thoughts creates a headache. I don't need or want a headache, it would just make me feel crappier.

"Shikamaru?"

I open my eyes and look at the man who is but only a couple of feet in front of me.

"Neji?"

He stares at me for a minute before walking towards me. I want to say something like "Hey" or "How are you" but the words get stuck in my throat as he walks past me, his pale lavender eyes focused on the things behind me. I turn around to call him.

"Neji!"

Why doesn't he look at me? Why is he ignoring me? He stops, but his back is still facing me. I'm angry. I can deal with Sasuke ignoring me. I can deal with Sai ignoring me. Hell, I can even deal with Naruto ignoring me, he does that anyway, but I cannot deal with Neji ignoring me.

"Why are you acting like this Neji?"

His back is still towards my face. I cannot see his and I bet he doesn't want me to. I hate it. I hate it more than anything.

"Do I have to explain myself to you, Nara."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. It made me feel cold and by him calling me by my last name I felt colder.

"Don't call me by my last name, Neji."

_Don't put a barrier between us..._

"Then, what am I suppose to call you...Home wrecker?...Whore?...What do you expect me to call you?"

"Call me, Shikamaru. I'm still Shikamaru, no matter what happens. I'm still me.

He laughs and and its numbing, like an ice cold bath. It's not like his regular laugh, its...different.

"Why did you sleep with Sasuke?"

Neji cuts right to the chase. He'd probably already heard Sasuke's reason for sleeping with me, now he wants to hear mine.

"I don't know...I just..."

He cuts me right off.

"When people say they don't know, it means that they do know. They just don't want acknowledge what they supposely don't know."

Neji turns around.

"So tell me, why did you sleep with Sasuke?"

If I tell Neji the reason why I slept with Sasuke, his perception of me might change. But then again, it has already changed. So I might as well tell him since I have nothing to lose and possibly nothing to gain.

"Naruto was my friend. I didn't know what he saw in Sasuke. Cold, arrogant, and controlling. That's what Uchiha was. Sasuke became Naruto's life. I didn't like him and told Naruto to break up him with as soon as possible. Naruto didn't listen, he just shook his head and said that when you're in love you don't see or hear anything, but that person you're in love with. I didn't believe it and brushed him off."

I wish he wouldn't stare at me like that. Neji's eyes are too perceptive, too observing, too...seeing. That doesn't make any sense but when I'm around him a lot stuff doesn't make sense. He waits for me to speak again.

"I was angry at Naruto. I didn't know why I was angry but I was and I couldn't stop it. Apparently I was jealous. Naruto had someone and I didn't. The person I wanted, didn't even look at me, practically rejected me. But for Naruto, he got what he wanted. Sasuke fell for Naruto. And I want that to happen to me."

"So you seduced, Sasuke?"

I shake my head at his words.

"No, it was mutual. What happened between us was a surprise or an accident. Sasuke wanted someone he could control. He wasn't able to control Naruto in the beginning of their relationship but later on he got it and then he became bored. That's was where I came in. I was the only one that didn't like him. He had control of everyone and he wanted a challenge. I wanted to replace the person that I desired and Sasuke was the closest thing to that person."

"You both were being selfish."

I nod in response.

"It was never suppose to go this far but it did. One time became another and another. Until it turned into an affair instead of a one night stand."

He shake his head at my words.

"Was it really worth, Shikamaru? Was it really worth destroying a relationship and hurting one of your friends?"

"Yes..."

I look at him. I can't breathe, but yet I am speaking. I'm spilling my guts out for him. Telling Neji things I haven't even told Chouji. Because...because...

"Because, I wanted to forget about you."

I wanted him. I envied Naruto for getting Sasuke so quickly. It was like one day, Naruto realized that he liked Sasuke and the next day, he was with him. Why couldn't it be like that between Neji and I. But I forgot that Sasuke may somewhat remind me of Neji but is not him.

"Well, using Uchiha wasn't a good way to forget about me. I never thought you would make such a idiotic decision as that."

Why must he make me feel this way? Neji, so prim and proper. He always called me a lazy ass. Why did I end up having feelings for him? Am I crazy? I laugh at his words because I feel like crying though I will never do that. A man doesn't cry, women cry.

"You never really know someone until you see them in a situation."

Neji nods and turns back around to leave, but he still talks to me over his shoulder.

"If you deal with your guilt, things will get better. Deal with Naruto first and make peace with him, Shikamaru."

And he's gone. I feel like a weight has been somewhat lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe easier and I didn't feel like reaching for a cigarette. Though Neji called me an idiot, he called me by my first name again. Which meant that the anger he had was partially gone. I walk home, knowing that in order to get rid of my burden, I must fix things between Naruto and me...And maybe with Neji.

_'I can fix my mistakes, it won't be so hard. I'll just have to pretend its shougi and that each step I take towards Naruto's forgiveness is a move.' _

TBC...

* * *

MBG: I really tried with this chapter cause I don't like it. I think I made Shika into a girl. I wanted to make this long but for some reason I realized that if I kept it going it would become into a whiner fest. (yeah I made that up) I didn't want to make Shika like a girl but I did want him to reveal his reasons for doing what he did with Sasuke. Just like Sasuke did in the other chapter. I don't like this chapter. I think I'm more better at describing Naruto's emotions. Anyway, Shikamaru doesn't care about Sasuke, he just doesn't want feel like used toy. He cares more about Naruto and his friendship with him. Also I didn't plan on NejiShika action, that just happened. Shika decided to use Sasuke as a replacement for Neji. Now I don't want you to feel bad for Shika or agree with him. Because I, myself don't even know if I feel sorry for Shika or not. Any questions, you have will be answer in the next chapter. Thanks for reading and please review.


	5. Being with you but thinking about him

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto or Masashi Kishimoto other characters in the series.

**Warning:** Hints of Yaoi and shounen-ai.(boyXboy relationships) If you don't like, turn back now. Thank you. Don't steal this.

A/N: Late at night. Wanted some angst. Made a oneshot between our two favorite gents.

A/N: Damn you people, this was only suppose to be a oneshot now its turning into an actual fic.

P.S.: Unbeted, which means if you see any mistakes, tell me about it and I will fix it.

* * *

Shadowphoenix143, I love you. I really do. I thought that I had moved Shika out of his box and made him too OOC, but I realized that I had to explain why he did what he did, otherwise there would be too many loose ends and unanswered questions. I'm glad that you love the story because I love answering questions and having a discussion about the story. It's great to hear what my readers think and feel about the story. Thank you so much for reviewing and reading.

Moola Deena, you know there is a small part of me that wants them to get back together but I don't know if the story will end with SasuNaruSasu and yes that is a weird way to deal with loneliness but people do things like that. Shikamaru, apparently does things like that. Anyway thanks for reading and reviewing. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Sa-Chan, I'm glad that you love this story. I do too. This story is addicting, oddly enough. The whole NejiShika thing came out as a surprise, it wasn't planned. Believe me. And I understand where you're coming from, I wouldn't forgive Shikamaru that easily either but I believe that Naruto wants to be friends despite him not thinking about Shika or talking to him. Shika really has his work cut out for him. In this chapter Naruto focuses mostly on Sai and Sasuke. Enjoy the chapter.

Rakuen Tachibana, I remember when you said that this story made you feel good since you was going through a rough patch in your life. So it was partially your review that kept me going on. And I couldn't have Naruto automatically take Sasuke back. Stories like that make gag a little. It's unrealistic and some readers want a little suffering for the cheater so I had to make Sasuke pay. I like writing the story from different perspectives, I get to work with a different character almost every chapter. So it's a lot of mood changing. Lol. I'm glad that making Naruto's life suck makes you feel better that is truly what I wanted. No, I have never been cheated on. (Doesn't mean it won't happen yet.) I have not experience that but my sister has which is where I probably get my inspiration from. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

XxSushiHeartlessxX, I love your name and please don't beat Sasuke and Shikamaru. They already receive death threats. Right now I'm in negotiations with them for another chapter. If you beat them up then I'm kinda screwed. Lol. But anyway I understand the whole "Naruto and Sasuke can't get back together cause it would be stupid and make Naruto into a wimp". But like I said before there is a small part of me that wants them to get back together, though I don't know if they will. Anyway I know you probably won't like this chapter but I wanted to show that Naruto is reminded of Sasuke. I have never heard of that song from Pink, maybe I should look it up and listen to it. Anyway enjoy and tell me what you think.

RamenProductions, yes poor Shika and yay smart Neji. Though I'm surprise that some of his lines came from my head. OO. Anyway enjoy and thank you for reviewing.

Nekochan124, I'm glad you understand my point of view of keeping Naruto as boy when writing SasuNaru stories and not Sasu(fem)Naru stories. I can read stories like that but I don't like it when Naruto acts that girly cause its like he's turning into Sakura or Ino. Creepy huh. Naruto doesn't seem like the type of person to commit suicide otherwise the show would be gone. And I love your rants, you always make me laugh. It's good to rant but I try not to since I have write a story not rant about the problems with some fanfic. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter cause I spent a lot of time trying to keep Naruto a man.

lLotus, yeah me too. Shika isn't that type of person but then again "You never really know someone until you see them in a situation." I remember that one from chapter four which is Shika line. I hope Shika and Naruto becomes friends again too. Well they better become friends again or I will be an unhappy author. Lol. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Sorry about the late update, had a lot of work.

Fanon, thank you for your review and that's exactly what I wanted for the story to do. Flow so well that it was more like a movie or something and don't worry about Sai. He's getting his chapter and it is going to be very surprising. Well at least to me.

TheDemonQueen1, Shika was wrong and Sasuke was a bastard. But you don't have to feel sorry for them cause I wasn't really trying to gain some feelings for them. I am glad that you love this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Kendonall, I'm glad that I have the ability to write like that cause I thought it would hard trying to get everyone involved point of view. You don't have to feel sorry for Shika because he was selfish. He could have dated anyone else, but he chose Sasuke and now he is paying for it. Thank you for your review. I love hearing from my readers.

Number1sasunarufan, yeah that reason did suck but did you notice how well it fit in with the story. I did and I was shock cause I thought reason sucked as well. Lol. Well thanks for reading and reviewing.

Noname00, I answered a question for you. Well damn, I must be getting better. Usually the reader asks the question and then I explain. A cookie for me for being perceptive. Thanks for reading and your review.

Deidaralover99, I'm glad you loved it, un. NejiShika is cute and Sai can't beat the hell out Sasuke. Sai really has no problems with Sasuke. Their only connection is Naruto besides they haven't even talk so what's the point of having cute guys fight. How bout some ugly ones fight instead? No? Don't worry I'm just kidding. There may be a fight and there may not so keep reading.

Merissala, I'm sorry for the completed thing but like I stated before I forget and I don't want you to wait for another chapter to show up when it might not. I'm glad that you will wait, makes me fell all special like. Sasuke does deserve payback. Lol. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Carms-lian0592, A sequel? I really haven't thought about making one. I don't know if I could. I'll have to think about that. I'm glad you like it. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

Night Fox Riku, Naruto's reactions are great because he's unpredictable now Sasuke's reactions are unknown because he feels like he doesn't have to explain himself. So of course the excuse are going to be lame. Lol. Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing.

Dinx, its not over. I am officially taking of the completed sign. Dum dum dummm. Lol. A little theme song with my announcement. Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Inumoon3, here's the update. Enjoy!

Sasquatchsnake, I am so happy. Real, fresh and blunt brutality. My stories have never heard those type of words for a review. I'm kinda of giddy. (Never used that word in my life before) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Dolce Amoroso, we must think on the same brain wavelength or something cause that's exactly what I was thinking. And yes reviews do a lot to make me at least try harder to get the chapter out, especially yours. I must read your stories, they sounds really good. I couldn't exactly use was you said but part of it because I'm planning to take the other part of the idea into Sai's chapter. So expect another dedication. Thanks for reviewing and reading.

* * *

This chapter is dedicated to the great Dolce Amoroso, who was a big help in the creating this chapter. Now go read the stories, Aishiteru, Sasuke and Protector that is written by my part time muse. Well read it after mine. Lol.

* * *

**Title: Just aren't worth it.  
Chapter 5: Being with you but thinking about him. **

I walk home from the party with Sai. His left arm is wrapped tightly around my waist. It's nice being with him. The warmth from his body seeps into mine and chases away the small chill from my skin. I can't help but grin as his lips gently brushes against my cheek. With the street lights shining on our heads, we walk down the sidewalk in a comfortable silence.

"Naruto?"

My head turns slightly up towards his face. His eyes are happy and his lips are curved into a smile. It's a real smile. Not those fake ones, he gives other people. The real ones, the ones only I am able to see. It makes me feel special that he shares his smiles only with me.

_'Sasuke also shared his smiles with you.' _

Yeah, now that's a lie. Shikamaru probably seen his smiles too. Which means I wasn't the only one, which means those were not smiles for me but for anybody that could please him. I resist the urge to snort at my thoughts. My own mind seemed to against me and for that jerk. Sai squeezes my waist and I can tell that he wants to comfort me, to ease my mind. It's odd how Sai can tell how I'm feelings just by the way I smile or act. I swear he's been around me too much.

_'Sasuke could tell how you felt sometimes too.'_

I shake my head and ignore the "dark" thoughts in my head. Of course, he could tell how I felt. I am one of the most expressive people around besides Kiba and maybe Lee. Hell, almost anybody can see how I feel sometimes. Sai moves his hand from my waist and grabs my hand, pulling me towards him.

I didn't even notice that I moved away until I saw how much space was in between us even though Sai still had his hold on me. I snort at him being dominate and allow him to pull me along. He doesn't speak and our perfect silence continues. The lights shine on Sai and I pause. The street light probably hit me in the eye, blinding me cause I could have sworn I just saw Sasuke walking next to me in Sai's place.

_'What the hell?' _

I see **him**. I see Sasuke. Sai's brown eyes turn into dark brown eyes that almost resembles a maroon color. Pale pink lips becomes darker and much more fuller. I lick my lips in remembrance of the kiss I received from Sasuke at the party. How could I think of kiss that I got from Sasuke?! I'm with my boyfriend, for god sakes! The one who told me he loved me. Who stood by my side at the party and made me feel comfortable. And what do I do in return, think about the asshole I used to date.

_'That's just great!' _

Does this mean I still want Sasuke?

_'No. I'm in love with Sai.'_

I couldn't possibly have feelings for Sasuke especially after he cheated on me.

"Naruto?"

I smile at Sai, praying he didn't have to ability to read minds. He stares at me for a minute and this is where I hope he isn't able to distinguish between my smiles. We walk again in the same position as before but this time the silence between us is not comfortable as it was before. When we arrive at home, I unlock the door and go inside. Before I could even take off my light jacket, Sai had already locked the door and taken off his.

Suddenly, I'm pushed up against the wall. My eyes close as Sai presses his lips harshly against mine. I can feel him taking off my clothes but I don't struggle or even help. Sai doesn't want me to help, he just wants me to let him do everything, let him take control. And I do. I learned a long time ago that trying to be seme all time don't really get you anywhere especially when you're dealing with someone a stubborn as you. He grinds his hips against mine and I can feel his erection harden even more.

"Sai..."

I'm telling him to quit the foreplay. I'm not in the mood for all of that. I just want Sai to touch me, to erase Sasuke from my mind like he was able to do before. It isn't long before I'm dragged to our bedroom and pushed upon the bed. A small light coming from the street light outside our window filters through our curtains. It slashes across Sai's face, making him look oddly mysterious.

_'He looks like a rapist or burglar.' _

I laugh in my mind. I won't say that to Sai, though I remember mentioning to Sasuke at one point in our relationship that he resembled a rapist and not to go out at night.

_'Does everything in my mind go right back to Sasuke?' _

His eyes are on me while he removes every piece of his clothes. My body's temperature heats up as soon as Sai places his hands on me. I bite my bottom lip hard, unable to wait. It hasn't been long since we did this but I find myself to be impatient, wanting Sai's body on mine.

"Sai, don't be a jerk."

He smirks and I find myself hating it. Grabbing the lube, Sai pops it open and pours the thick liquid onto his fingers. He spreads it around, coating each finger well. I move my legs apart, showing hidden parts to him. I can feel his finger enter me, another finger joins it as he stretches my entrance.

"Sai..."

I want him inside now. Sai removes his fingers and replace it with his erection. He slowly pushes in but I don't want slow. I grab his hips and thrust down, taking him fully in. My hands leave his hips and fall to the bed, wrapping themselves in the sheets.

"Naruto?"

His voice is soft and full of concern but I don't want that. I want him to fuck me, to erase the bastard from my memory. Sai begins to moves and the pain goes away, the confusion goes away. My eyes are still shut as his pace increases and the thrusts becomes harder. I can't see him but I can feel him as my hands move from the sheets to his back and then to his hair. I tug on it.

It's short.

Sai has short hair. He always had short hair. Why was I pulling on it like was going to become longer just by my strength. Even as my legs wrap around his waist, I'm moving my thighs, trying to adjust to odd position. Shouldn't his waist be a little thicker? Shouldn't I feel his abdominal muscles against me when we move? The hair longer, spikier, and the lips fuller? Shouldn't Sai be like that? Wasn't he like that before? Did I ever notice this small differences about him?

"Naruto..."

The voice, it was filled with passion but it was missing something. Something raw. Something that only one person I knew had. A hard thrust hits my prostate and I'm arching off the bed.

"Sa..."

I can't trust myself to speak for if I do, Sai's name won't be coming out of my mouth. My eyes open and I see **him**. The eyes, the lips, the crazy hair style that oddly looks good. His mouth moves and I hear the words that he told me a million time.

"I love you."

My orgasm hits me and I can feel his too as a warm liquid flows into my body. A smile crosses my lips as the high goes down and my breathing goes to normal. He rolls off and lies next to me. I turn my head to whisper the words back but it gets caught in my throat. Sai is laying next to me. Sai had sex with me. Sai is the one who told me he loved me and I thought about my ex.

I feel sick. I get up and rush to bathroom, ignoring the pain in lower back. The door is barely open before I launch myself at the toilet and regurgitate up all I ate that night. I end up dry heaving, trying to get everything out. I can hear his footsteps, he doesn't even hesitate to move to my side and rub my back in comfort.

"Are you ok? Was it something you ate?"

I nodded in response, choosing not to speak. Sai stands up and turns on the sink. He helps me stand and leads me to the sink. While I'm washing my face and brushing my teeth, he's flushing the toilet and cleaning any other messes I may have created. Sai walks out and I'm left alone. Fear claws at my heart.

_'Does he know?' _

_'Does he know I was thinking about Sasuke?' _

I frown and go back to the bedroom. It's still dark inside but I don't bother turning on the lights. Climbing into bed, I notice something. He's not here. He's not lying next to me. Sai is. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, pushing down the doubts that cloud my head. I hear footsteps once again and turn my head towards the door. I sigh in relief.

_'Sai is here. Not Sasuke.' _

Sai walks in with some water and cookie biscuits. Eat up, he tells me. I eat while he moves to his side of the bed and lays down next to me. I finish the snack and lie back down, moving my body towards his. Immediately, Sai's arms open up and he pulls me against him.

_'He doesn't know.' _

The thought makes me feel slightly better although I still feel like crap. I try to sleep only to get up an hour later. I'm tired. All that thinking made it hard for me to even get a second of sleep. I slip out of bed, unwrapping Sai's arm around my waist and replacing it with a pillow. Grabbing a pair of boxers, sweat pants, and T-shirt, I walk out of the room.

My clothes are still lying on the floor. I quickly dig through my pockets and grab my cell phone. I have to talk to him. I need to talk to him. To figure out what he did to reverse a year of forgetting-about-him training. I dial the number that hadn't been erased from my phone but rather blocked.

"Hello?"

His voice makes my heart clench. Do I really care for him more than I thought?

"Sasuke?"

He pauses and takes a deep breath.

"Naruto..."

"Can you tell me now?"

A sigh reaches my ears.

"Does it even matter, you're with that artist now."

I ignore the disgusted sound in his voice and continued.

"Yeah, it does. It shouldn't but it does."

"But it doesn't matter to me."

I wanna punch him. To kick his ass like I wanted to the first day we met. But instead I take a deep breath and speak again.

"Oh so the mighty Uchiha, doesn't even have to explain himself. Che, you're still a bastard."

Silence.

He doesn't answer. I want him to.

"Damn it, Sasuke..."

"I've tried to get you to come back. I wanted you but you didn't want me. You told me you've moved on. But here you are, calling me in the middle of the night. Demanding answer when you don't really want them."

He's doing that thing he always does. Trying to confuse me and make me think I did something wrong and that he's the innocent one. He continues to speak.

"You should be in bed, sleeping..."

_'Next to you, right?' _

"Teme, you always do stuff like this."

He laughs.

"What's so funny?"

I'm angry but its not the anger that I had for him before. It's the anger I've always had for him. The one the comes from our rivalry and our friendship.

"You only call me, Sasuke or Uchiha now. I haven't heard "Teme" in so long."

He's right, I haven't called him that name for so long.

"Don't think that long, dobe. You might break something."

I laugh. And then he starts laughing too. I'm standing outside my front door, laughing like an idiot. But it felt so good. So good to just laugh with him, to just be friends again. The laughter dies out and I can hear his breathing go back to normal. There's silence between us but its nice. Comfortable to be exact. He sighs.

"I can't be with the I love. So, I'll settle for being your friend."

I laugh again.

"Yeah whatever, but as soon as my back is turn, you'll be pouring on that "Uchiha" charm on thick."

_'What am I doing?' _

"But then again, you always like when I poured that charm on you. Right Na-ru-to?"

_'Is he flirting with me?' _

"Yeah whatever, teme. Go somewhere else with those crappy pick up lines."

He laughs and I smile. How did we get to this point? I'm happy that we're friends again but should we even be friends?

"Goodnight Sasuke."

"Goodnight Naruto."

_'Have I forgiven Sasuke?'_

We hang up and I go back into the house. I walk into the bedroom and get underneath the blankets with Sai. He still asleep, at least I think he's still asleep. Closing my eyes, I begin to fall asleep. I don't think about my experience with Sai or my talk with Sasuke. All I focus on is sleeping and getting a good night rest. The confusing drama that is my life can wait until tomorrow.

TBC...

* * *

MBG: I'm sorry that I took so long writing this chapter. Chapter five went though so many rewrites, it wasn't even funny. I tried to get the mood of it but it seem like I was seriously lacking on that part. It was just so troublesome in how many times I wrote this chapter over. Now time for me to explain this chapter. Naruto still loves Sasuke but instead of letting the love gradually fade away and slowly getting over Sasuke he forced himself to move on. Unknown to him, he had chosen someone who resembles Sasuke very well. Which explains why now he starting to see the difference between them after the incident with Sasuke. Now Naruto is confuse and actually thinks that he is still in love with Sasuke and using Sai as a replacement. The line "Have I forgiven Sasuke?" shows that once on the phone with him they fell back into the roles they were before now since Sasuke is not trying to get back with Naruto and Naruto is not forcing himself to hypothetically cut Sasuke out of his life. So I hope you enjoyed it and please review.


End file.
